Three Things in Life #49



49. Three ways to show love for children

  1. love without reservation
  2. love unconditionally
  3. love truthfully and sincerely

The world has change so much since the day I could remember, the memories of my childhood with my whole bunch of blood relatives around us. It was pure joy and was simple yet profound memory for me as it spelt out the way it was and saw the difference the way it is today. Marriage in Philippine setting was based on love and commitment. Not like in the middle-east, it is prevalently arranged by family. Ladies are given dowry and this is most of the time a must. However, a few years back the modern Arabs are opting for love marriage and many times against the wishes of their family. 

Marriage in India is different, there are still a practice where the ladies are the ones who must give dowry to the man. So it is the father who must bear the responsibility to get the money. Without dowry, wives are sometimes burned to death and most likely to be maltreated if she would stay together with husband’s family. In the Philippines people that time rarely thought of any divorce or separation. Though divorce hasn’t always been possible among largely Catholic citizens, annulment of marriage has been the way out. 

In that time marriage is understood with powerful belief that it is an eternal commitment. Marriage is treated with utmost importance and it’s holy as it is considered a part of worshipping God. Before there was a big shame connected to a broken family or family that never stop shouting at one another and where love is everywhere but not exactly at home. In Noli Me Tangere of Jose Rizal, Sisa’s husband was derided as wife’s beater, cruel father and a drunkard but never a womanizer. In fact, it was the territory of Damaso’s – the personification of priests who sow havoc among women. These Damaso’s are very much true today than yesterday. They are vicious and shameless. I am not saying the whole priesthood but not a few of them are. 

They use the white robe to cover how evil they are. There is no love at all in their heart but lust, greed and hypocrisy. A sure reserved for the everlasting lake of fire. They wrecked the home of so many families. They fathered children they disowned. They are the opposite of what we should be as a father. They are called father without children and if they do they throw them away in an orphanage to be forgotten. But these are all beside the point. Anyway home is a place where love thrives and blooms. There is no comparison to the love of parents, and the love of their parents to each other, that is why there is no place like home. In those time love means love. It inspired and nurtured the relationship with utmost respect and care and I guess to some extent it is still true today. Children learned love best by the love of their parents to each other and to them. 

When we compared today, home becomes a ticking time bomb. Home is exposed to many evil destruction. For instance, the dawn of OFW phenomena which came into life due to lack of financial income of family inside their country. At least one member of the family had to go and earn to support the whole family and provide them a decent life as much as possible. While many of them were successful, in the course of time some of them went astray. 

Things changed. Working as an OFW brought many stories of broken marriages and dysfunctional families. Mainly because the parents were not there to guide and protect their children and at the same time both wife and husband have succumbed to so many temptations and home sickness which might have pushed them to look for comfort in another arms. The dawn of social media added to the temptation of OFW to get care and love no matter how superficial it maybe in the warm body of another not their spouse. Even in internet chatting they formed intense attraction, primarily perhaps lust of the flesh. 

They eventually consumed the desire when they met eyeball to eyeball. Heartache and despair bombarded many homes that were once nests of peace and harmony showered by the perennial love of one another at home. But today love becomes just a child support. Some OFW who were head of the family have been carried away by illicit affair and are trapped into making another family. This complicated the whole destiny of their family from the original wife; worsening the state of emotional stability of the children. The saddest casualties were not the spouses but their children. Because a lot of them abandoned their first family all together and relegated them into their callous heart and conscienceless memory. The family is under attack at least in Philippine setting. The love that we need is a love without reservation. Happy are those whose family, are with them abroad. They are able to stick it out together even they are strangers in other land. For them they don’t care the high amount of maintenance expenses for as long as they are complete and are together in their home in a strange land. I saw the love and peace grow stronger. 

The father is respected and the honesty of both spouses are nurtured to a higher level where trust and loyalty is second nature to both of them in return the children grew up confidently, happier and more positive in outlook. They are immersed in the right atmosphere of proper family home. They live and enjoy it in real time with their parents. Where the family members love one another without reservation, there is no communication gap. Genuine love thrived in this kind of family. There are friends of mine whose families are with them. The sad thing is that many of the OFW’s are not entitled to a family joining status. 

These are the most prone to end up having illicit liaison not only with fellow countrymen but also foreigners where many times they mostly Pinay ended in a pay me first relation. Some have illicit relationship and formed their own family abroad while having a spouse or family each of them back home It is sad and expedient for some as the people who are in illicit affair are doing this to ask only one thing –money. Because the family members back home don’t ask their parent’s or loved one’s situation, or their feelings, how was it going for them or anything to show concern and love. What they are always asking is money. 

Asking the state of their life or their health, a loving conversation is out of the picture. The immense distance increased tremendously the inevitable pattern – falling out of love as they continuously drifted apart. Eventually love is lost its place among each other hearts. Communication gap and longingness for flesh are the two greatest enemies of OFW’s. But many have plans and they stuck to their relationship were both spouses helped each other and sacrificed waiting for each other’s arms every year or two years just to be closed and share in proximity the gift of marriage and the fruit of their love, their children. 

Here if we do truly love without reservation which means you are honest and respectful of one another where faithfulness prevails and faith in God has the upper hand in the heart of the relationships the family shall grow and thrive forever through many generations to come. When God is first in your life, all will fall nicely in to place. Love of God will make you endure all sacrifices and challenges. Keep holding on to the love of God. Learn to think only of what is right. All negative vibes create destruction. 

Broken family is the most grievous effect of spouse working in a far distance and then the scourge of drug peddling to the children left behind. We need to love our family which means proper guidance and strong relations and respect of their children must always be inculcated. Parents has to show love for their children by showing respect and love to one another as husband and wife – without reservation. Secondly love the children as it should be -unconditionally. Do not put pressure or render unmindful and unfair expectations. Let the child find his forte and dream where a loving guidance must be at hand. 

Endeavor and consistently take action against unfaithfulness, adultery and premarital sex. Watch out what they are watching, it may not be cartoons but pornography. This is no way how we can show love to our children. Love is constant discipline on children to prevent them from destructive values going around. The family components are now being attacked as well by lasciviousness due to drugs, pornography, sexual promiscuity and haywire libidos of the youth. In addition, values introduced by people who are pervert calling themselves progressive and open-minded – are in fact rebelling against the law of God which is eternal and unchanging in form and in meaning. These kinds of people today created a confusing version of what is normal and acceptable. 

Where like-minded perverts readily welcomed immoral perversion of truth and values with shameless rejoicing. These are the components of society which bullied and attack without a pause the sanctity of family. The father must be strong enough to run away from tempting women whose objective is either to destroy your family or get some money. Sex is a given they give it to anyone who is interested who would give them the slightest attention. A horrible trending towards the future of our children. For them having a good future means total liberation from the commandments of God disregarding and throwing away the punishment of everlasting fire as too unbelievable for a true loving God. The antidote is love. Love prescribed by God. 

As we love the spouse truthfully and faithfully the children will imbibe this value. This godly love will be carried on as a tradition and a way of living to the succeeding generation. Today love means lust. Many have sex as an expression of love when in fact, it is the uncontrollable libido. A chemical reaction of testosterone and progesterone. Some called it basic instinct, others just plain lasciviousness. When this kind of feelings attacked it must gratify a biological need rather than the spiritual and emotional need of everyone. The youth of today viewed sex as natural before marriage. Before it was a taboo. The people have no face to talk about things that happened outside the confines of marriage back then. Now it is being talked about just like conversing about it on everyday news on current events, climate change, the weather and sports. 

People are callous and used to hearing this kind of talk show. Now, let us zero in to the topic that is the three ways to show love for children. They should be loved with no reservation. A lot of parents create a gap between their offspring by their house rules that are suppressive and irrational at times. There is no real compassionate understanding to their plight. They don’t listen to their children success at school or things they wish to confer to them for advice but their body language and interest cause them to change topic without knowing how important for a child what he was trying to convey. 

The time being spent with children is so little to thrive. Time is something we cannot buy. A time to create wholesome memories. Time give create confidence, love, fondness, respect and joy for the children. They build trust and assurance because you are there when they need you. To love them conditionally is accepting the child who they are including their physical and mental attributes. As we parent endeavor to hone them and train them in the most valuable lessons of all that is the right values, good manners and right conduct, faith in God, godly based principles of life and direction of living including ways on dealing with human being. We should accept them as they are without pretensions. That means there is no reservation and condition in loving our child. To love them, means truthfully and sincerely because children may not talk but they see our soul not only the outward actuation but what we really feel towards them. They could read between our actions and our body language. The word we say is very powerful because for children it stays forever.

 Unlike parents, they may have forgotten all that have been said and done but for them it is a treasure for a lifetime or it could be a pain forever. The best teaching we can give is the teaching of God and the love of reading the book of books. That alone will help all the children to have a solid foundation in morality and spirituality which entail good manners and right conduct where all righteousness originates. To cap it all the love exemplified by the Lord Jesus Christ is the perfect example of ways and means on transferring enduring love and nurturing responsible and honorable children. First off, we must act the same so as to have the impact and easier for children to do and actualize the teaching of Christ. Because love without action is nothing, it is nothing but deceitful, misleading and a lie. Love is the most powerful element why the heart is created. 

The heart pumps blood to sustain our existence. Love pumps the hope that we could enter the kingdom of God. There is no love without an effort to show what is meaning of love. As we go back to the bible, it described love as giving cheerfully without expecting in return; it never keeps record of wrongs, it does not judge, it always believes and have faith in the person. Our love for our child is only a part of the whole of what is love. Love endures, love abides love is never neglected, apathy, indifference. It always nurtures, it always inspires it always gives all that we have for the goodness of the one we love. Love is selfless. We gain a thousand joy when the one we love is happy. It is good to remember this:

Three ways to show love for children,

Is one love without reservation fully

Second love unconditionally, lastly

love truthfully and sincerely 


Author: Florentino Cruz

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